


The Big BAMF John

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Series: Children's Classics with a Johnlock Twist [25]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Not-So-Imaginary Boyfriend, imaginary boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 01:47:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14226441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: When a case takes Sherlock to a gay nightclub, he invents an imaginary boyfriend to deter men from hitting on him. But is the Big BAMF John as imaginary as Sherlock thinks?





	The Big BAMF John

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a 221B Con-solation prize for bokkle-oran-doove, who requested a Sherlock version of The Gruffalo.

Sherlock was all by himself at a club  
A Fox grabbed his shoulder and gave it a rub 

 _“Why are you standing here, sad and alone?  
_ _Come home with me and I’ll make you my own”_

Sherlock turned to the Fox and replied with a yawn  
“I’m waiting here for the Big BAMF John” 

 _“The Big BAMF John? What’s a Big BAMF John?  
_ _I think that you are just having me on”_

“The Big BAMF John is terribly tough  
And he has two fists that are terribly rough”

 _“When are you meeting him?”_ “Soon,” Sherlock said  
So the Fox went away, shaking his head

“Silly old Fox,” Sherlock thought, when he’d gone  
“There’s no such thing as a Big BAMF John”

…  


Sherlock was still by himself at the club  
A Bear grabbed his shoulder and gave it a rub

 _“Why are you standing here, sad and alone?  
__Come home with me and I’ll make you my own”_  

Sherlock turned to the Bear and replied with a yawn  
“I’m waiting here for the Big BAMF John”

 _“The Big BAMF John? What’s a Big BAMF John?  
_ _I think that you are just having me on”_

“The Big BAMF John has a terrible gun  
Before he comes back, I think you should run” 

 _“When are you meeting him?”_ “Soon,” Sherlock said  
So the Bear went away, shaking his head

“Silly old Bear,” Sherlock thought, when he’d gone  
“There’s no such thing as a Big BAMF John”

 …  
 

Sherlock was still by himself at the club  
A Wolf grabbed his shoulder and gave it a rub

 _“Why are you standing here, sad and alone?  
_ _Come home with me and I’ll make you my own”_

Sherlock turned to the Wolf and replied with a yawn  
“I’m waiting here for the Big BAMF John”

 _“The Big BAMF John? What’s a Big BAMF John?  
_ _I think that you are just having me on”_

“The Big BAMF John is terribly strong  
And he has a cock that is terribly long”

 _“When are you meeting him?”_ “Soon,” Sherlock said  
So the Wolf went away, shaking his head 

“Silly old Wolf,” Sherlock thought, when he’d gone  
“There’s no such thing as a Big BAMF John”

…  


Sherlock quite shortly concluded his case  
He departed, relieved to be out of that place

He put on his coat and stepped out on the street  
When who do you think he should happen to meet? 

A man standing there, who looked terribly tough  
Sherlock glanced at his fists — they looked terribly rough

In the small of his back hid a terrible gun  
Sherlock wondered if he ought to panic and run

The man, though not large, still seemed terribly strong  
And his cock, Sherlock thought, must be terribly long

“ _I’m John,”_ the man said, before Sherlock could flee  
“ _And I hear that you have been waiting for me”_

The Big BAMF John! Could he be real?  
For Sherlock, this held great appeal

Could all the things he’d said be true?  
Could John be tough, and well-hung, too? 

There was only one way to know for sure  
So Sherlock asked, with motives pure

“Would you like to see my flat?”  
“ _Yes,”_ John said — and that was that!

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of lucky folks are at 221B Con for a long weekend, but that's no reason for those of us who are stuck at home to feel blue. There's plenty of fun to be had right here on AO3. 
> 
> Kind comments and kudos make me smile. :)
> 
> UPDATE: Vulgarweed and I had a bit of confusion over how the collection process works, so this story was accidentally revealed last week, but now it's officially part of 221B-Consolation 2018.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] The Big BAMF John](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18403502) by [almosttomorocco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almosttomorocco/pseuds/almosttomorocco)




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